New Year No Resolutions (Kinda)

I open my heart. I release control. I trust the abundance of the universe. I trust that there are dreams and paths that I can’t even imagine that are meant for me.

I will be the first to admit it - I am a very auspicious New Year person. While I do mark the beginnings and endings throughout the year (like season changes or moon cycles) – there is something special about the New Year. There is something important and magical about being able to look back on the year and realize how much happens in a short-long period of time. Every year is marked with pain and care and endings and beginnings and being lost and finding your way. Every year we experience something that will change us for the rest of our lives and I guess that means we are alive.

The past few years I will write out all my intentions for the new year in my journal and tuck them away. I try hard to have a gentle hand, aiming to focus on the feeling rather than the details - but looking back on my journals the past few years I’ve realized I slip into the specific so easily. It makes me happy seeing how nearly every year the majority of my desires and goals do come true! I think that’s what makes me believe in the magic of writing things down. But lately, I’ve been thinking about how small our socialized brains are, how there are things I become so attached to wanting but they may not even be what is right for me.

I have been really doubting my ability to dream big and I’ve really been critical about how “dream big” culture diminishes the precious gift of a small and peaceful life. Why is it easier for me to dream for others than for myself? What are the things that I chase and why? Who told me to desire them? What do I think I do and don’t deserve? How do I realize when I am living my dream right now at this moment? How do I live abundantly in the present and also dream big enough to encompass myself and everyone I love?

I had listened to this podcast episode on solitude and can’t stop thinking about it: “Finding Ease in Aloneness”. In a world that is so fixated on independence, I think solitude reminds us of the importance of relationships - to ourselves and others. I hope that you give yourself the gift of time, the gift of reflection, and the gift of solitude this month as we ease into this new year.

“pay attention to
what sits inside of yourself
and watches you”
Lucille Clifton